Fears

The things OCD makes me afraid of are so stupid. But the biggest one I've worried about lately is that if the people I care about see one of my episodes. What will they think of me? Will they actually see me as crazy? 

I had this conversation with my dad last night. He said they would want to help. They wouldn't think I was weird or crazy. 

But I can't see it. I'm trying...

Last night I had one of my first severe panic attacks in months. It scared me. Am I going backwards? All that work going towards nothing? I hurt myself, rocked back and forth and had trouble controlling my movements. 

Apparently I did much better than in the past! I seem in a fog when panic attacks come so I don't remember all that well. 

But I actually could talk during the attack! 

I hate that feeling panic gives me... It feels like electricity in the lower back of my head and my shoulders. I always wonder if that happens to anyone else. I knew it's just in my head but it's so real...

That's when I know it's coming. Freaky.