Underwater

My OCD is the main entree. Depression is a side dish. I know that sounds weird, but as I'm spiraling into the darkest places of my mind I think of this. 

It talks to me. "You're worthless, why do you exist?" "Nobody likes you. They are just pretending." 

And although it sounds ridiculous, I believe it. 

I cry. Trying to sleep, to run from it. But thoughts swirl. They're everywhere. 

People that don't suffer with depression can never fully understand. Depression feels like your drowning, but everyone around you is breathing. I don't know how else to explain it. 

I think writing this out is helping me right now. It's kind of funny how randomly my depression hits. It can be for a few weeks or a day. It's completely linked with my OCD, but then not at all. 

Currently, I am listening to classical music trying to drain my thoughts. It's peaceful. But I'm still underwater.