Sometimes

Sometimes I want to die. It's 3am. I feel like life is crumbling around me. I'm convinced nobody likes me. Nobody cares. Nobody. I think the suicidal thoughts are coming back. College is so hard. Why did I take on so much? At the same time I feel I am drowning, I feel like I'm not keeping up with everyone else. I need to be a part of more. I need to study more. Honestly though. I don't want to do anything but hurt myself. 

Panic Mode

Okay. So maybe I've been a bit panicky lately. So many deadlines. I'm terrified to fall behind, but I constantly feel behind. I am jumpy, terrified of my meds and petrified to talk to anyone. I know this is just an episode but it's been happening quite frequently lately. 

I just need to calm down. The little hiccups should not make me feel down about myself. I have pushed very hard to get here. I can do this. I can. 

Although it's hard. I will get through this. 

College

So I am going on week three of my college experience. My panic attacks are starting to show up again. The past two days I have been twitchy and on edge. I don't think my roommate can tell anything is wrong. But I'm hyperventilating. I haven't done anything homework wise in the past two days. I feel so behind, like I am drowning or something. 

So I am continuing on with my TWAARP blog. Now it's going to follow my college life as I struggle to get through it with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. 

Thanks! I will be writing way more frequently. 😊